sciencelizard | « [IC Inbox- Hadriel]

Okay, see you soon.

[They don't dawdle, for too long. From the bridge where they'd met Rey to the library isn't that far...though their pace is slow. Not dawdling, but dragging their feet a little. It's hard to figure out what they have to say.

'I'm not mad, but if you ever threaten Chara I'll kill you' really doesn't seem like the best way to go, here. At the least, the library is a quiet place, hushed. It asks for calm.

In the end, it's a quiet, thoughtful child who finds her, carefully taking a seat opposite. So they can look at each other.

So they aren't too close.]

...Did it hurt them? When they melted.

[She keeps her head down until she hears them arrive, and doesn't speak until they speak to her. She knows her double probably spilled all of her secrets. There's no point in lying anymore.

She has to face Judgement.]

... I don't k-know. I guess it must have. They couldn't really talk the s-same, afterwards.

[She's quiet, another few moments.]

I didn't mean to. It... it r-really was an accident.

[...]

I know.

[They know. God, they know. With their knees pulled up to their chest, they rest their chin against the back of them, jeans soft with wear. The knees are probably going to wear straight through, soon. Don't know what they'll do then.]

You wanted to help, right? So monsters didn't need human SOULs.

...I don't think that's bad.

[She can't look directly at them as she speaks. She wants to face them bravely, own up to her mistakes.

But, haha. She's never been any good at that, has she?]

I just wanted to break the barrier before another h-human came down. So... so none of this would need to keep happening. Monsters could get out. Asgore wouldn't h-have to keep going like he was, and...

And I c-could've done something right, for once. Just... just once.

[Just once. That's all she wanted. One thing to prove her life was worth something.

But that ended up going away, too.]

...Mettaton was a ghost, wasn't he? I um.

I broke into his house. I didn't know it was his.

[Haha yep that's going to make her feel better- moving right along.]

You made him a body, and he got to be a star like he always wanted. I think that's great. And Bratty and Catty told me you showed them all the places to find stuff in the garbage dump. And Undyne...

Undyne likes you a lot.

[Always got super mad, whenever Frisk called her in Alphys' room. At the time, they'd just thought it was funny- and a little cute. Right now? It feels like one of the most important things in the world.]

So...that means you were doing good even before things weren't good.

[A sharp inhale accompanies Frisk's admission, and she finally looks towards them, a little shocked. They... they found out. It wasn't her fault, but they did, it... well, it's a good thing Mettaton's not around, she thinks. He wouldn't be happy with that. They're telling her all these things, all this stuff that she wants to believe, but it's so much more tangible to be here among her mistakes.]

... Undyne doesn't k-know the real me. I've lied to her about me, and, what I know, and, h-how good I am. She doesn't know the truth about me. If I told her, she'd... she'd hate me. I know it.

[Her little castle of lies, tumbling down. She always knew it'd happen.

But part of her hoped she wouldn't be alive to see it.]

I tried to help a lot. It... it never w-worked. I abandoned Bratty and Catty, and, Mettaton barely talked to me, and... Undyne wouldn't stick around if s-she knew the truth.

I'm sorry, Frisk. I'm not a good person.

[Alphys isn't a good person. There's silence, for a while after she speaks. They don't move away, but they look down for a while, contemplating.

She's not a good person; she tried to help, and it never worked.

It's things like that which cause children to walk up mountains, they think. Or know, really; just like they know that Chara didn't fall for a very happy reason. Just like they know their own reasoning.

Maybe it's all really the same thing, in the end. All they ever do is hurt people. Their sins stand on equal measure, and it's always about everyone else. Always about what they wished they could do, and what their actions really ended up doing, instead.

They take their time to think, because if they sit, and they think, they could easily be somewhere else entirely. They could be sitting on a couch, forehead pressed against another's. Two kids with no use for an angel, or a demon. They don't really have use for a scientist who was supposed to fix everyone's problems, either.]

I still like you.

[They lift their chin up, staring at her evenly. It probably sounds better with some more...emotion, behind it. A little more expression, something that holds a level of understanding.]

Just like Mew Mew isn't the best person, in the beginning. If you make mistakes, you can still be loved, right?

Edited (do you ever remember that time is linear right after you fuckin retcon yourself.) 2017-04-01 06:42 (UTC)

[Admittedly, Alphys doesn't know an incredible amount of why Frisk ended up Underground. She never got to meet the SOULs that came before- not as people, at least. All she knew is that they were under a mountain.

But there's something to be said about someone who's been through it all and still reaches out. There's a solidarity to someone, a pull you feel towards their very being, when you've both been low enough to go to somewhere you know has a long fall, and step forward.

She can feel it in her SOUL. She wonders if they can, too.]

... I'd like that. I'd like t-to be that good. I don't know if I'm, uhm, p-protagonist material, though.

[The main character? Her? Please.]

I don't know why you don't hate me. I did all t-these terrible things. Why are you still here?

[Why are you being... so nice to me?]

[It's not really something definable, when it comes down to it. A monster and a human sharing that kind of solidarity- is it even possible? Part of them doesn't believe it is. Part of them is a kid on a couch with another kid, quietly talking over just why it is, that monsters would never climb up mountains. Why they can't understand it.

If they really thought about it, though, do they really think Alphys wouldn't? When she's asking them questions that they ask themself every single day.

They don't know why everyone doesn't hate them. They did all these terrible things.

Which is why it's so easy to look back at her, expression calm as they reflect her last question right back.]

Why are you?

[Why...come to a library, to sit down with a kid you know would kill, rather than be killed?

Why do that?]

[She finally looks at them, really looks at them as they speak, and she feels like she knows what answer they're pushing her towards. Because the obvious answer would be 'because you wanted me to', or 'because you asked'. But that's not what they want, is it?]

... I wanted to be friends w-with you. Despite everything, I suppose.

[Despite either of their mistakes in the past and otherwise.]

I'm sorry f-for anything my double said to you. Or did. I'd... like to be better, t-than that. I don't know if I can, but I'd like to be.

Me too.

[Because- well. They aren't really worth being friends with, they think. Not for Sans. Not for Asriel. Not for Alphys, either. Despite everything, except everything, in this case, is the knowledge that Frisk had destroyed people that she loved.]

You are. I didn't like what she said...but you wouldn't do that stuff.

[Even if she did to other people.

Their fingers pluck at the carpet, slowly building a small pile of lint.]

...If you go back, you wouldn't experiment on the other SOULs anymore, right?

[Well that's the uncomfortable thing, isn't it? The million dollar question. But would you do it again?]

No. I mean, I c-can't, I don't even have them anymore, they're, back with Asgore, but...

[She couldn't anyway. Even if she wanted to change. There is no home anymore.]

I'm... not going home. I can't, anymore.

[She's gone. No one will even ever find her dust, washed away by the water, SOUL swept out to sea.]

I'm sorry, I... I'm sorry she said all that stuff. I'm sorry I didn't just, s-say something to you, or, fess up before... before the gods made me. I shouldn't have lied.

[The question probably isn't fair. Definitely isn't fair, coming from them. Except they remember what her shadow said, and they remember the sound of it; the dismissal behind every mention of those SOULs.

They're still alive, you know. They still have feelings.

Some confessions won't help anyone.]

It's okay.

[They don't- it's not their place to forgive her, for this. Not this. It's the other SOULs, and the monsters she lied to. Not a child who never knew in the first place, never even guessed that something like that had occurred.]

...If we can't go home, then we can do a little better here.

That's not so bad.

[Everything's just... okay, to them. Everything's just fine. Why doesn't it bother them more? Why don't they hate her?]

... It's okay if it's n-not okay.

It doesn't... you don't have to forgive me, if, if w-what I can do scared you, or... I don't know. I don't want it to be okay if it's not.

You can h-hate me. It's okay.

[It's okay.

It's okay.]

...I've done worse.

[Did she forget?

They didn't. They never will.]

And you don't hate me...I think. Um, it would be okay if you did, but-

I don't think you do. Even if it's scary.

[If they're scary. Their smile- is a little thin. But it's genuine. They aren't leaning away, or looking away. No reservation in what they say next.]

Just because you can do something scary doesn't mean you are.

[She doesn't. She doesn't think she ever could.]

... I did, uhm, really want to be friends with you. When y-you came. I was a little scared, since I'd never met a human before, but you were... exciting. A-And brave, and... I wanted to be those things, too. I thought maybe you had shown up to give me, s-some sort of purpose.

[And maybe it didn't work out like she hoped.]

[Exciting? Brave?

...They guess that's just what monsters do. See the best in people. Even things that don't exist.]

I'm not. Exciting. Or brave.

Everything's still scary. Even after- After people told me why, it was still scary.

[Nobody wants to die, Alphys.]

I mean... bravery is supposed to be about, uhm, b-being scared but doing it anyway, right? I got scared and... stopped doing everything.

[Monsters see the best in everyone... except in Alphys' case, maybe herself.]

If I got dropped outside the barrier, alone, I... I'd never have survived.

Maybe you just didn't see when I stopped.

[Definitely didn't see. Wouldn't remember. Never will. They're not going to set her straight on all the things they've really done; she already knows enough.

Frisk doesn't think she'd be nearly as happy about being friends with them if she knew how much they'd really done.]

...I had a lot of help. Still. Could've done a little better.

[She considers it, quietly. But desperation is a hell of a driving force, when one can't handle being alone.]

Maybe, uhm... m-maybe we all could.

[We could do a little better.]

I'm gonna try.

[That's the spirit. Another small smile pulls at their lips, Frisk nodding their agreement. Trying? Sometimes that's all you can do.

It never seems to work out. But perhaps they just haven't tried enough, yet.]

Me too.

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